Thursday, March 26, 2009

A conversation with Balthasar the Kitten


(translated into man speak, since kitten speak is part visual)

Balthasar: Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello?
Me: I'm here, Balthus, behind the shower curtain. I'm taking a bath.
Balthasar: I'm here, too!
Me: Yes, I can hear you.
Balthasar (jumps onto bathtub ledge): And now you can see me!
Me: Uh, right. Hello.
Balthasar: Wow. That's a lot of water. Can I drink it?
Me: No. That's my bathwater, it's dirty.
Balthasar: It doesn't look dirty.
Me: Well, I can assure you, it is.
Balthasar: But can I walk along the edge of the tub, so that if I fall in, I'll have to lick my fur and taste the bathwater anyway?
Me: No.
Balthasar: But can I lick the hot part of the faucet?
Me: No! You'll burn your tongue!
Balthasar: But can I play bowling with your shampoo bottles? Look, they float! No, wait, that one didn't. You're right, the water does look dirty.
Me: No! Stop pestering me! Why can't you be more like your mother, she zooms out of here as soon as she hears the water running. One more trick, and I'm kicking you out.
Balthasar: No, no, I'll be good, I'll be good. I'll play on the floor.

(conspicuous silence)

Balthasar: But can I eat your bodylotion?
Me: What? No! Do you have any idea what it would do to your tummy? That's it, young man...
Balthasar: But can I sleep on your toes while you put your make up on?
Me: N...Yes. Yes, I guess that would be okay.
Balthasar: Okay, then.
Me: Okay.

(sleepy purrs)

6 comments:

camilla said...

cats are awesome...

eiv said...

lolcat

Li:ne said...

An account of your time together in the bathroom this morning is not enough for me. I want more. I want the whole day!

You can do that, can't you? Just be my personal livestream Balthasar-translator?

Because it's what I want for my birthday.

Christina said...

What was the conversation like when there were six or seven cats in the bathroom with you? Were they all interrupting each other?

tone almhjell said...

We'll see, Lin, we'll see.

And Christina, it was sort of like being in the McCallister household before they left for Paris, with Teodor playing tha part of Fuller. Only louder. Louder Fuller.

Heidi said...

Awesome. In the same vein, I give you today's conversation with Ella:

E: FOOD BOWL
Me: Hello, my sweet. Mommy loves you. What do you need?
E: FOOD BOWL
Me: (having provided food) There, there, peanut. You're my best girl.
E: CAN'T TALK, EATING
Me: Mommy loves you!
E: (drifting off into post-prandial sleep) SNORE...

(repeat approximately 75x per day)